I wrote the following [bolded] text on June 13th, 2012...
Yesterday morning, before Brooks woke up, Adam and I were in our bed oohing and awing over our sweet, smiling Ava. Adam looked at the clock on his dresser and knew he needed to get up and get ready. I hopped up first to go brush my teeth while he held Ava for another minute...then he brought her into the bathroom and proceeded to hand her to me. And what did I do?
I said, "Just a minute."
I just wanted a few more minutes of me-time...but I also knew Adam had spent extra time with us in bed and needed to get to work, so I couldn't argue. And as I reluctantly took her into my tired arms I said, "Well you just imagine having another human pretty much connected to your body 23 hours of the day." Yep, those words came out of my mouth. I love my daughter to the moon, so why would I say such a thing?? Well, she's the type of babe that not only likes to be held, but needs to be held, almost all the time. Adam and I joke about Ava being our little Jekyll and Hyde...one minute you'll see her smiling in her Bumbo seat and it takes all your self-control not to just eat her and her chubby thighs for breakfast; then the next minute she'll pop out her bottom lip and proceed to cry (which sometimes ends in screams with decibels that are probably not good for the human ear) and can only be consoled by being held, nursed, and/or walked around until she falls asleep. And when we try to lay her down once she's asleep, even in a deep sleep, she wakes up. So she either sleeps in my Baby Bjorn during the day, so I can get things done around the house, or is in my arms...night time too. I'll be the first to admit that I once said, "We'll never co-sleep." Welp, that went out the window. I have found I absolutely love having her tiny body, and sweet baby-smell, next to me all night...it's just that this Mama is beginning to not sleep very well.
Okay, back to my little story about this morning...Adam was getting ready, I took Ava over to the rocking chair to nurse her, and proceeded to get on my phone. I read a blog post that made me smile, yet also stung my mama-heart that had just been so selfish. In the post, this quote was shared:
"When you are exasperated by interruptions, try to remember that their very frequency may indicate the value of your life. Only people who are full of help and strength are burdened by other persons' needs. The interruptions which we chafe at are the credentials of our indispensability. The greatest condemnation that anybody could incur -and it is a danger to guard against - is to be so independent, so unhelpful, that nobody ever interrupts us, and we are left comfortably alone."
-Anonymous, from The Anglican Digest
What a beautiful perspective. A reminder I definitely needed today. I've been experiencing these interruptions for over 3 years now. Pregnancy counts in my book, even though I loved just about every minute of my pregnancies, for real. Okay, I'm a walking contradiction. I pray to God that I'll cherish every bit, the good and the bad, of my children's time being babies...even when they're both needing me at the same time and I'm at the end of my rope and it takes all of my self control not to lock myself in the bathroom for just 5 minutes of me-time.
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| { I took this photo on June 13th also } |
I almost forgot about this post I had started just over a month ago.
And as I write this second part, both of my babes are asleep, Brooks in his crib and Ava in her bassinet(!). That time of Ava being connected to my hip was really just a couple of months...but it sure seemed longer at the time.
You definitely learn about yourself when you become a parent, because I have learned I need my space, and that me-time is pretty vital for my sanity. But knowing that I was giving of myself while wearing her so that she felt secure and loved according to her needs, made it all worth it.
This whole mom-gig is hard. Really hard. I felt like I got the baby-thing down with Brooks...so I was all ready for baby #2! But Ava has turned out to be a totally different species (I'm not just talking the plumbing;) so I've had to start from scratch. And this toddler-business...I'm pretty sure that little side-kick-Brooks of mine has made me laugh on a daily-basis more than anyone. :) Yet, I've also cried countless tears because of him...not that he's made me cry, but because I have felt so overwhelmed with the task of raising a thoughtful, level-headed (
oh the meltdowns!), productive, adventurous (I think Brooks has been experiencing some anxiety lately), sharing, obedient (sometimes I think he understands "
yes" to be "
no", and "
no" to be "
yes"), and loving boy. Communicating with him is difficult, I know he's way behind in the standard of what a boy his age should be able to say, and that just exaserbates everything. Thank goodness for a sweet husband who listens to me and literally wipes my tears when I need to just
let it all out.
But like that quote said, remembering that when I feel exasperated by interruptions, I need to try to remember that their very frequency may indicate the value of my life. And in that case, my life is of GREAT value. ;) And before I know it, the tugging at my shirt, the grocery store meltdowns, the middle-of-the-night feedings, and the endless loads of laundry full of tiny clothes will be
memories. So for now, I'm going to do my best to be the mother of these children God wants me to be. Not a perfect mother, but a mother who's trying her best.
And I think I'll share a bowl of ice-cream with Brooks when he wakes up from his nap. Because,
why not? :)
