Saturday, March 30, 2013

Confessions of a Stay-at-Home Mom - Vol. 3

Recently I was asked by a sweet friend of mine, who I grew up with but we now live in different states, something to the effect of if my life is really as happy as it seems. She was referring to pictures and things I share online. I asked myself...is it as good as I portray it to be??  I assured her it isn't all roses over here.  I know that 99 percent of the things I share online are good things. They are photos that make me smile, happy moments, the little and big events I want to remember and relive when I look at photos and read back on what happened at different stages of my life and the lives of my children. I appreciate that I can share and have loved ones celebrate life's little milestones with me. But like I said, it isn't all roses over here all the time. What I share on this blog, facebook, and instagram is only a sliver of our daily happenings. There are plenty of things in my life that I don't care to take the time to document and post. I prefer sharing and reading uplifting things, it's therapeutic and refreshing for me. I do not mean to portray a perfect life or a perfect marriage or perfect children. How is something "perfect" anyway? It's relative, right? I'm rambling now... I just want say that I stand by my little blog mantra, life is so, so sweet. But this little life of mine is so far from perfect...confession time:

// I'd say half of the time we go to the grocery store, a package of food is opened that kids and I snack on while we shop, and then I hand the cashier an empty package when I'm checking out.

// I have been struggling with being consistent in the way I discipline as a mother. Follow-through has never been my strong suit. My heart feels equally sad and frustrated as I think of how disobedient Brooks can be, especially when we're out and about, and I have a gut feeling it's because I haven't done a good job at teaching him to obey and that there are consequences when he doesn't. It's lazy parenting on my part, and so selfish.

// I'm late to everything.

//  I have needy-wife syndrome...the kind that causes me to complain way too much to my poor husband for coming home late from work, when I absolutely know he's doing his best to get home as quick as possible.

// I love finding deals and sales, but I'm horrible at budgeting. Adam solely keeps track of all the finances and bills, and I've said for years that I want to help and make it a team effort, but I haven't done anything about it. (thank you, I'll accept my bad wife award now) Yea, not a fan of money.

// My kids rock. But they're both masters of throwing intense tantrums, of varying degrees depending on what they're going for.

// I don't shower daily. (um, yea. thank goodness for deodorant and dry shampoo)

// I have the sleeping habits of a teenager. I am such a night owl, and if I had it my way, I'd sleep in 'til 10:00am.

// With the amount, or lack thereof, of effort I put into keeping my house clean and orderly, I care way too much about what others think (which is LAME). And then all too often I become a giant stress ball when I know people are coming and, "We have to get the house clean!!" Sorry hubs. :(

//  I can count on one hand the times I have been totally caught up on laundry since we've been married. There are always things that need to be washed or folded or hung or ironed. ALWAYS. Oh and ironing...yea, actually that doesn't really happen over here. Which leads me to my next one...

// There is a ever-changing pile of clean clothes in our bedroom that migrates from the floor to our bed and back to the floor daily. Well, most of them are clean. I think. Oops.

// I can dish sarcasm, but much too often I'm a poor sport when others give it to me.

// I'm terribly forgetful about calling/texting people back.

// I haven't been studying my scriptures daily like I know I should. Want to get better at that, and writing in my Gratitude Journal...it's been too long.

// A good, homemade dinner only happens a couple times a week. I thank my lucky stars for a man that eats whatever I cook, always says he loves it, and eats leftovers 2 days in a row.

// It's been a couple years that I've read a book for leisure, cover to cover.

// I'll stop there...

And here are some visuals...I took these pictures today (with the exception of the photo of the kids, I took that a couple weeks ago) to give a little perspective as to what it'd be like if you randomly dropped in to say hi...


But all of that being said. Life is good. It's just definitely full of messes, and tantrums, and arguments, and "I'm sorry"s, and kisses, and procrastination, and laughter. Thank goodness for that last one.

30 comments:

Priscilla said...

Nice to know I'm not the only one that can't keep up all the time. Thank God for husbands that put up with crazy! Have a great weekend.

Harmon's said...

Thank you for posting your faults :) , cause we all have them, and some tend to dwell on them to much.

I know when I read your blogs it makes me happy and jealous all at the same time. :)

Glad to know your normal (thought there isn't really a thing as normal).

Glad to know I am not the only mom that isn't always consistent in disciplining kids (it makes me sad, when they are sad too, unless they hit or bite someone, then of course i feel bad for the other kid and they deserve a timeout)

Love your Blog Haley!!!!..Keep the positive stuff coming, we shouldn't be embarrassed or offended by others when we are positive.

yours truly said...

I love how open you are in this posts. I think most of us are the same way, I saw a lot of similarities. But you are right though. Many people want to read blogs that are uplifting and positive, it is nice though to see that we all have are weak spots though!

Bri!!! said...

This is such a great post! It is nice to know I'm not alone! I relate to so many of these things; frustrated when Dan gets home late. I feel so guilty because he works so hard, so why to I get mad? I have SERIOUS wife guilt. I'm pretty dang consistent with discipline, but I have a son that is extremely strong willed and constantly embarrasses me. I definitely don't shower daily. I only wash my hair twice a week. My kids are not bathed daily, not even close. I totally hear you on getting stressed when people come over. Got to clean the house! It has been rough since Codi has been born. There are so many things to celebrate, even if it's one or two things a day. Hugs mama! Thank you for being so vulnerable!

Bri!!! said...

k

Britney said...

So I'm the opposite--I post mostly about the negative. It's my time to make the negative moments somewhat humorous--at least for me. But I've been trying to be more positive because, as 18-year-old Britney, who was missing her friends since they all left for college before her, would say, "Stop whining. Five years from now you'll wonder what you were complaining about."
I loved this post though. Glad to know we're all just as imperfectly perfect as the other person :) Sure do love you.

Cate said...

I really do love reading the sweet moments on your blog and never for one second assumed life was "perfect"....I mean you have two small children and a home and a husband which at least in my mind = a bit of chaos!! I am smiling because I think our list of confessions would be identical!!!

It seems so obvious that you are wonderful mother/person who is doing her very best! The lovely way you write about your cute family shows that!

I think everyday has a bit of eternity in it that keeps you going and puts things in perspective and gets you through the endless piles of laundry and really hard tantrums (more than once I have wanted to join Jett on the ground and cry with him! ;) I appreciate you sharing those bits with us! heck even on my own blog I love reading back on the little highlights of my life and remembering things for what they really were....wonderful...even if I didn't realize it at the time!

I love reading your blog. You are so sweet and inspire me to be the kind of mama I want to be for my children!

Sorry this is such a long comment I just wanted to say I think you are doing a great job!

Happy Easter friend!

I hope someday we can have a play date!

jordan said...

Wonderful of you to share this stuff. That's one of my thoughts with bloggers, everything looks so wonderful. People are human and it's comforting to know we have some of the same thoughts. I'm glad I've made "friends" with you through the world of blogging, you've probably become my favorite. You are an excellent mother and woman and if I could be even half like you I'd consider myself awesome.

KC Dumas said...

Your such a good example to us Haley. I read this quote (you may recognize it from a talk of pres hinckleys) and thought of this post you just wrote. It's about marriage but I feel it applies equally to motherhood or just trying to soak up the best if life anywhere we can because life is sweet :)

"There seems to be a superstition among many thousands of our young [men and women] who hold hands and smooch in the drive-ins that marriage is a cottage surrounded by perpetual hollyhocks to which a perpetually young and handsome husband comes home to a perpetually young and [beautiful] wife. When the hollyhocks wither and boredom and bills appear the divorce courts are jammed. …

”Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around and shouting that he’s been robbed. Most putts don’t drop. Most beef is tough. Most children grow up to be just people. Most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration. Most jobs are more often dull than otherwise.

“Life is like an old-time rail journey – delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders, and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride.”

Jenkins Lloyd Jones
Unitarian Minister in U.S.A., 1843-1918
Jones was also the Uncle to architect Frank Lloyd Wright

lex said...

I smiled at EVERY SINGLE ITEM on this list because you just described me to a tee! :) we would be great real life friends! you're doing a fabulous job, no worries. :)

Nicole Dianne said...

I'm with you on the reading positive things, and wanting to remember the happy things in life when reflect back! I commend you for sharing the areas of life that aren't so sweet and pretty all the time <3

we are REAL people with REAL struggles all day every day and blog world is our happy world where we share pretty, inspring things :)

xo to you my friend!

Kiki said...

I too do not shower daily, iron, or cook every night. My kids are nuts when I take them anywhere as well. I think it has more to do with being toddlers than it does with our parenting skills. You are the least selfish person I know, it made me sad when I read that you think you are selfish, cause you're far from it.

kylee said...

i LOVE that you shared this post! i wish people were more honest like this on their blog. i love that we all share the good stuff with each other, but sometimes the hard stuff is equally beneficial to share.

Audrey said...

I love reading your blog and hearing about the joys in your life, your posts are very uplifting. This post is great as well. We all have things we wish we could do better but I think sharing them with one another allows us all to get closer and be more accepting. Thanks for putting yourself out there.

Kati Howard said...

Personally, I can relate to what you mean about only showing the positive stuff online-- after all, who wants to read whiny complaints from a SAHM? Or from anyone, for the matter? Nobody. I try and balance my blog with real life stuff, I include the good, the bad, the edited ugly and for me it's also therapeutic.

I do agree... that in the long run you'll tend to only remember the good times, but I like reading about the "bad times" too...in order to appreciate how I got through them. Helps me track my personal growth. To visually read how far I've come.


I just have to say... Haley, your post made me smile, cuz while it may drive you nuts to see your "imperfect" life, it's REAL. Everything I read leads me to believe you're a TOTALLY normal mom! :) You're doing your best to get by, taking each day in strides, looking for the silver lining (even if it's nearly invisible), and striving to become better. That's what life is about.

Life IS Sweet! And so are you. Thanks for sharing. :)

Chelsea said...

I think you're an excellent mom. I will say though for me, my husband has convicted me in the past (in a loving way) of making sure that i portray my life in a very transparent way-that I be as truthful as I can-that In doing so, I don't alienate woman into thinking that I always look gorgeous, with my hair done and lipstick on and a cute outfit etc etc *****AHEM, like other bloggers we know who travel all over the world and seem to always post about how great and glam their life and kiddos are and what amazing gellato they're eatting or pizza or what cute bike their riding.....anyway- i felt like the Lord was laying it on my heart to slip away from the need to keep up with the Jones's so to speak in the blogging world and really refocus on my home. Make my home my number one priority-to minister to my husband and kids daily and love on them instead of pour into my blog which seemed to only be a self satisfying idol (for me) I hated that I too never felt like I could keep up with the laundry and serve my family as well as I wanted. I was constanly feeling guilt instead of knowing that i was giving them all... now I know that where I lacked, God's grace was efficient to fill into all of those cracks, but waking up before everyone else does and making my coffee-reading EVEN JUST one verse in the bible-soaking up gods word into my flesh before I began the day really helped me not want to be as impatient and yell or get short with my babies. This is what helped me. My poor blog seemed to die, but my family thrived.

Thanks for being so honest! ;) I'm sure it blesses so many other moms!

Terynn said...

Can I tell you, whenever I need something extra to brighten my week I read your blog. Your optimism is inspiring and I always think 'I should think more like this'! I am glad to know no one is perfect!!!:)

Lisa Fly Rondo said...

haha i love this. im happy to see all of this. no one is perfect :) a good reminder because on blogs its so easy to only show our best selves. we all struggle with stuff, so keep on trying your best, thats all that matters! youre amazing!

katrina said...

i love your blog and how positive you are! but i also enjoyed this post. :) its so good to know im not the only one... haha

Rachael said...

Oh goodness, I could relate with SO many of those confessions. I am never caught up on laundry, panic when company is coming over (quick CLEAN!), care about what people think, don't cook often etc. My own specific list would go much further. It's so funny how much readers love it when blogger's are "real" and show the less than perfect aspects of their lives. Let's them know they aren't alone. But like you said- what is perfect anyway? We all share photos and glimpses into our lives that make us happy, but we all struggle in our own ways too. Thank you for sharing:)

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