Confessions of a Stay-at-Home Mom - Vol. 3

Recently I was asked by a sweet friend of mine, who I grew up with but we now live in different states, something to the effect of if my life is really as happy as it seems. She was referring to pictures and things I share online. I asked myself...is it as good as I portray it to be??  I assured her it isn't all roses over here.  I know that 99 percent of the things I share online are good things. They are photos that make me smile, happy moments, the little and big events I want to remember and relive when I look at photos and read back on what happened at different stages of my life and the lives of my children. I appreciate that I can share and have loved ones celebrate life's little milestones with me. But like I said, it isn't all roses over here all the time. What I share on this blog, facebook, and instagram is only a sliver of our daily happenings. There are plenty of things in my life that I don't care to take the time to document and post. I prefer sharing and reading uplifting things, it's therapeutic and refreshing for me. I do not mean to portray a perfect life or a perfect marriage or perfect children. How is something "perfect" anyway? It's relative, right? I'm rambling now... I just want say that I stand by my little blog mantra, life is so, so sweet. But this little life of mine is so far from perfect...confession time:

// I'd say half of the time we go to the grocery store, a package of food is opened that kids and I snack on while we shop, and then I hand the cashier an empty package when I'm checking out.

// I have been struggling with being consistent in the way I discipline as a mother. Follow-through has never been my strong suit. My heart feels equally sad and frustrated as I think of how disobedient Brooks can be, especially when we're out and about, and I have a gut feeling it's because I haven't done a good job at teaching him to obey and that there are consequences when he doesn't. It's lazy parenting on my part, and so selfish.

// I'm late to everything.

//  I have needy-wife syndrome...the kind that causes me to complain way too much to my poor husband for coming home late from work, when I absolutely know he's doing his best to get home as quick as possible.

// I love finding deals and sales, but I'm horrible at budgeting. Adam solely keeps track of all the finances and bills, and I've said for years that I want to help and make it a team effort, but I haven't done anything about it. (thank you, I'll accept my bad wife award now) Yea, not a fan of money.

// My kids rock. But they're both masters of throwing intense tantrums, of varying degrees depending on what they're going for.

// I don't shower daily. (um, yea. thank goodness for deodorant and dry shampoo)

// I have the sleeping habits of a teenager. I am such a night owl, and if I had it my way, I'd sleep in 'til 10:00am.

// With the amount, or lack thereof, of effort I put into keeping my house clean and orderly, I care way too much about what others think (which is LAME). And then all too often I become a giant stress ball when I know people are coming and, "We have to get the house clean!!" Sorry hubs. :(

//  I can count on one hand the times I have been totally caught up on laundry since we've been married. There are always things that need to be washed or folded or hung or ironed. ALWAYS. Oh and ironing...yea, actually that doesn't really happen over here. Which leads me to my next one...

// There is a ever-changing pile of clean clothes in our bedroom that migrates from the floor to our bed and back to the floor daily. Well, most of them are clean. I think. Oops.

// I can dish sarcasm, but much too often I'm a poor sport when others give it to me.

// I'm terribly forgetful about calling/texting people back.

// I haven't been studying my scriptures daily like I know I should. Want to get better at that, and writing in my Gratitude Journal...it's been too long.

// A good, homemade dinner only happens a couple times a week. I thank my lucky stars for a man that eats whatever I cook, always says he loves it, and eats leftovers 2 days in a row.

// It's been a couple years that I've read a book for leisure, cover to cover.

// I'll stop there...

And here are some visuals...I took these pictures today (with the exception of the photo of the kids, I took that a couple weeks ago) to give a little perspective as to what it'd be like if you randomly dropped in to say hi...

But all of that being said. Life is good. It's just definitely full of messes, and tantrums, and arguments, and "I'm sorry"s, and kisses, and procrastination, and laughter. Thank goodness for that last one.

Confessions of a Stay-at-home Mom - Vol. 2

I wrote the following [bolded] text on June 13th, 2012...

Yesterday morning, before Brooks woke up, Adam and I were in our bed oohing and awing over our sweet, smiling Ava. Adam looked at the clock on his dresser and knew he needed to get up and get ready.  I hopped up first to go brush my teeth while he held Ava for another minute...then he brought her into the bathroom and proceeded to hand her to me.  And what did I do?

I said, "Just a minute."

I just wanted a few more minutes of me-time...but I also knew Adam had spent extra time with us in bed and needed to get to work, so I couldn't argue. And as I reluctantly took her into my tired arms I said, "Well you just imagine having another human pretty much connected to your body 23 hours of the day." Yep, those words came out of my mouth. I love my daughter to the moon, so why would I say such a thing?? Well, she's the type of babe that not only likes to be held, but needs to be held, almost all the time.  Adam and I joke about Ava being our little Jekyll and Hyde...one minute you'll see her smiling in her Bumbo seat and it takes all your self-control not to just eat her and her chubby thighs for breakfast; then the next minute she'll pop out her bottom lip and proceed to cry (which sometimes ends in screams with decibels that are probably not good for the human ear) and can only be consoled by being held, nursed, and/or walked around until she falls asleep. And when we try to lay her down once she's asleep, even in a deep sleep, she wakes up. So she either sleeps in my Baby Bjorn during the day, so I can get things done around the house, or is in my arms...night time too.  I'll be the first to admit that I once said, "We'll never co-sleep." Welp, that went out the window. I have found I absolutely love having her tiny body, and sweet baby-smell, next to me all night...it's just that this Mama is beginning to not sleep very well.

Okay, back to my little story about this morning...Adam was getting ready, I took Ava over to the rocking chair to nurse her, and proceeded to get on my phone. I read a blog post that made me smile, yet also stung my mama-heart that had just been so selfish. In the post, this quote was shared:

INTERRUPTIONS

"When you are exasperated by interruptions, try to remember that their very frequency may indicate the value of your life. Only people who are full of help and strength are burdened by other persons' needs. The interruptions which we chafe at are the credentials of our indispensability. The greatest condemnation that anybody could incur -and it is a danger to guard against - is to be so independent, so unhelpful, that nobody ever interrupts us, and we are left comfortably alone."

-Anonymous, from The Anglican Digest

What a beautiful perspective. A reminder I definitely needed today. I've been experiencing these interruptions for over 3 years now. Pregnancy counts in my book, even though I loved just about every minute of my pregnancies, for real. Okay, I'm a walking contradiction.  I pray to God that I'll cherish every bit, the good and the bad, of my children's time being babies...even when they're both needing me at the same time and I'm at the end of my rope and it takes all of my self control not to lock myself in the bathroom for just 5 minutes of me-time.

{ I took this photo on June 13th also }

 I almost forgot about this post I had started just over a month ago.
And as I write this second part, both of my babes are asleep, Brooks in his crib and Ava in her bassinet(!).  That time of Ava being connected to my hip was really just a couple of months...but it sure seemed longer at the time. You definitely learn about yourself when you become a parent, because I have learned I need my space, and that me-time is pretty vital for my sanity. But knowing that  I was giving of myself while wearing her so that she felt secure and loved according to her needs, made it all worth it.

This whole mom-gig is hard. Really hard. I felt like I got the baby-thing down with Brooks...so I was all ready for baby #2! But Ava has turned out to be a totally different species (I'm not just talking the plumbing;) so I've had to start from scratch. And this toddler-business...I'm pretty sure that little side-kick-Brooks of mine has made me laugh on a daily-basis more than anyone. :) Yet, I've also cried countless tears because of him...not that he's made me cry, but because I have felt so overwhelmed with the task of raising a thoughtful, level-headed (oh the meltdowns!), productive, adventurous (I think Brooks has been experiencing some anxiety lately), sharing, obedient (sometimes I think he understands "yes" to be "no", and "no" to be "yes"), and loving boy. Communicating with him is difficult, I know he's way behind in the standard of what a boy his age should be able to say, and that just exaserbates everything.  Thank goodness for a sweet husband who listens to me and literally wipes my tears when I need to just let it all out.

But like that quote said, remembering that when I feel exasperated by interruptions, I need to try to remember that their very frequency may indicate the value of my life.  And in that case, my life is of GREAT value. ;) And before I know it, the tugging at my shirt, the grocery store meltdowns, the middle-of-the-night feedings, and the endless loads of laundry full of tiny clothes will be memories. So for now, I'm going to do my best to be the mother of these children God wants me to be. Not a perfect mother, but a mother who's trying her best.

And I think I'll share a bowl of ice-cream with Brooks when he wakes up from his nap. Because, why not? :)

Confessions of a Stay-at-home Mom

The title of my little family's blog is "Life is Sweet"...because I truly do believe that there's SO much sweetness to savor in life. And I want to be able to savor the good memories again with my little fam as we all get older :) But it's definitely not called "Life is Perfect." I'm so blessed to be able to stay home with my little man while my big man works. But some days are just hard, really hard...and some are ridiculously unproductive. Yesterday was more of the latter:

- Breakfast of oatmeal with Little B...welp, more of it ended up on the table and kitchen island bench then in his mouth. And now that I look over to the table, I think I still see some oatmeal that I missed cleaning up...and now it's fossilized.

- While Brooks was sitting on a chair in front of Adam's desk, watching Tangled on Adam's laptop, I decided to walk out of the room to grab Brooks' birth announcement (yep, I'm already thinking of my little gummy bear's birth announcement)...I hear a big thump, then a very loud cry...I run in to comfort him, pick him up off the ground, and I find his mouth is bleeding very badly :( He bit his tongue and his lip. Mom-fail. Sorry sweetheart!

- During Brooks' nap I was going to get my workout on (haven't worked out in almost 2 months. yowza). But instead I laid on the couch, in my workout clothes, blogging and watching the last half of "Titanic" on TV while eating 3 pieces of toast with Nutella. I had to use what little will power I had left to not eat a 4th piece.

- Oh, I was also going to fold laundry during his nap too. Those 4 loads (now 5) weren't even touched. Hence the overwhelming picture below:

- I decided baking would fix everything :) Especially if we could enjoy a few cookies, and then take some to our new neighbors. So I made some pumpkin chocolate chip cookies...only to have just 1 out of the 3 batches turn out (the first one was over baked, the third was under baked. how does that even happen?). Goldilocks anyone?? ha.ha.

- And when Adam called to say he was on his way home, he asked the classic question, "What's for dinner love?" To which I answered, "Olive Garden." Domestic goddess with dinner on the table?? Not so much.

- Luckily I changed out of my "workout" clothes and slapped on some makeup just minutes before Adam walked in the door. And today, I consider that an accomplishment.

Goodness, it's days like yesterday that make even semi-productive days look awesome. But you know what? Mixed in with all that blah-ness...my little Brooks still made me smile all through out the day with his dance moves. Seriously, the second that kid hears music of any kind (radio songs, movie music, my random singing, or even the timer chiming from the oven that the cookies were "done") he starts stomping or shaking his hips. I love that boy! And I'm so grateful that Adam is so patient with me, that when he gets home from a hard days work and can see that not much at all was accomplished at home he still loves me to the moon. I'm just glad yesterday is in the past...and today will be better! :)

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Spiritual Health:

"The Book of Mormon: Strengthening our Faith in Jesus Christ" by Neil L. Andersen

Amazing article :) Can't wait to read it again with Adam when he gets home.