Tuesday, January 11, 2011

completely happy & happily complete

{2 hands, 1 heart...beach in So. California summer '09}

Last night, as Adam leaned over Brooks' crib to tuck him in, I snuck up behind him and reached my arms around Adam and gave him a long, firm squeeze...the type that makes you sigh afterward and have lingering butterflies.

I thought
Adam is such a good man.
A thoughtful, loving husband.
A caring, devoted father.
Perfect? No sir. (a lot closer to perfect than I am)
But perfect for me? Oh. Yes.

Then, as I washed my face and brushed my teeth with my pink toothbrush, next to the hubs as he brushed with his blue toothbrush, I thought about a conversation we had last week.

We talked about how the past month or two we've somehow felt our relationship settle. Even with our lovely vacation (just the 2 of us) and the romance of the holidays (yes, I think they're romantic) we didn't feel like we were "growing in love" like we wanted to. This beautiful girl wrote about a similar experience she had with her husband, and said it perfectly that somehow days slipped by "without us really connecting." We did the motions, kissed goodnight, prayed together, enjoyed time with our sweet little boy when Adam came home from work...yet we still felt like we were getting too comfortable. We both expressed our regret of not trying as hard as we should to express our love and appreciation to each other. We even reminded each other about our love languages. (mine: 1 -words of affirmation 2-physical touch 3-quality time 4-service...his [same just in different order]: 1-quality time 2-both physical touch & words of affirmation 4-service) and we made a promise to do better at showing affection through those routes of communication. Part of me loves that we're so comfortable, we trust each other and know we'll love each other no matter what...but we still should be putting extra effort into our relationship, building each other up and making sure we know we're each other's number one priority.

We also talked about how we know that if we focus on our personal relationships with God, we'll grow closer as a couple. Heavenly Father is so amazing that way. I know that if I put my complete trust in Him, if I give Him my heart, he will shape it to perfectly match Adam's. We will complete each other. And as Adam and I tell each other:

Our marriage is not perfect, but we're working at it.
And I wouldn't have it any other way.
Adam and I have our differences, lots of them. But more than that, we see the potential in each other and we want to spend the rest of forever growing more in love and reaching those potentials. Together. As one.


Kari said...

beautiful post...very inspirational! XOXO

Aubrey said...

This really resonated with me Haley. Kevin and I have had some of those "comfortable moments in the last few months, but I feel like we're coming into something really wonderful right now, that I hope and plan on continuing forever. :) You put it into words just beautifully.

Shauna Amondson said...

I agree. It's really easy to get too comfortable. Steve and I always have to re-check ourselves every so often. It does take work, but it's nice to see how far you've come after time. I like to see that it just keeps getting better :)

Thanks for this!

Mighty Burns said...

Well I saw your post on Red Boots, and so I poped over to check out who this adorable woman and son are..and I get this post. What an amazing and honest post. It sounds like the two of you have so much love for each other, its really wonderful to see/read about.

Nice to mett you!

Alli said...

Sometimes I think about these things too. We're comfortable with each other and some days we end up on completely different schedules and when we actually both have time at home we're doing separate things. It's nice to talk out how we feel about these things sometimes and acknowledge that we need to work a little harder to not get too comfortable and take one another for granted.

Hailey Smoot Kandell said...

love his Haley!

thatjordangirl said...

Hello! I found your blog through many other blogs, I went to high school with Adam and I just have to say, that this post was absolutely beautiful. I think you have an amazing family and a very sweet heart and I just wanted to let you know instead of just lurking. This makes me want to work harder in my marriage, it takes a lot of guts to put this out there and you see so comfortable and eager to give your family the best life. I think you're just adorable and I look forward to your posts in the future :]


lindsay said...

this post is absolutely beautiful in so many ways. thank you for shedding light on this. i too know what it's like to feel "comfortable" and matthew and i remind each other every day that a little extra effort goes a long way.

thank you for this reminder...to love and to cherish forever and always :) xoxo

Lauren Byers said...

this is a beautiful post :) you guys are the cutest couple!
ps, I have a pink toothbruth and Steve has a blue one too! haha!
pss, I love your blog :)

Ashley {hudson's happenings} said...

This is so honest, and open, and beautiful. Thanks for letting us in on your journey as a couple, and talking about the truth....marriage is hard work for even the most perfect of couples.

You've inspired me to share this with my husband, and work harder everyday at reaching our goals of growing closer and more in love. Thanks Haley.

Eva Marie said...

Sean and I have been together for 6+ years and a relationship takes work to grow and bond together.. but having a child really is trying on a relationship so I know we both have to put extra effort in.. and so we do and we will.. and this post reminds of the we need to do even more of.. and so we will

(that may sound confusing but in my head makes sense :)

b. lee said...

endearing; sweet post * my hubs & I have been together for 16 yrs. .. married almost 10 ... we've been thru many ins & outs; ups & downs --- growing together & learning as we go has been crazy rewarding; knowing our ultimate goal is to be rocking on a porch someday; gazing upon the beaut' life we built together; with big ol' smiles on our faces :)

cheers 2 u & ur love * *

Alyse said...

You're such a sweetie!

Michelle Schraudner said...

I agree, it's so easy to get a little too comfortable together! The same thing has been bothering me about my relationship lately and it's so nice to really take the time to focus on making each day special.

I'm glad you're so blessed! :)

Pia said...

What a beautiful post! And it definitely inspired me. Thank you for that!

Chelsea said...

You're such a sweetheart! ;) We're all not alone in this either! I've always agreed that divorce isn't just a decision that "happens" it happens over days and months of people growing apart and losing interest, or whatnot. We always think that we're so untouchable as couples and we could NEVER get divorced, but that's such a lie. Our hearts could grow cold just as easily as friends of ours who've sadly gone down the path of divorce. It's sad. That's why, like you wrote, we have to guard our hearts and pray over our marriages. We have an enemy-satan who kills, steals and destroys....and that goes for our marriages too. It's so hard when you have two sinful people. You have to decide to love your spouse despite their sin. I have to love Dustin even when he's selfish or puts me on the back- burner.

And learning from other marriages too is so vital. When we were in marriage counseling at church one thing that the pastor said that really caught me off guard was, "At some point in your life time with your spouse, you WILL consider divorce. You will! It's what you do from that point that matters." Will you give up or will you persevere? I like that. I like how honest he was about what the reality of marriage is. It's hard and you have to fight for it.

Blessings and love to your sweet fam and your darling husband who seems like such a wonderful guy!

Brooke T said...

wow I love this! It's so amazing that you two talked about that and understood what needs to happen! Love it :)

Shay said...

Oh Haley, how I loved this! You are so right- marriage is WORK and sometimes we just go on our merry way content when in reality we should be working everyday to keep our love strong. Take care, girl!

Gabby / Gypsy*Diaries said...

:) beautiful and meaningful image!


Renee said...

What a lovely post!

Alycia Grayce (Crowley Party) said...

I love everything about this post! :) so happy I found your blog!

Anonymous said...

aww this is such a beautiful and inspiring post! :)

lindsay said...

lovely lady!! did you see the surprise over on for the love of blogs? http://forblogs.blogspot.com/2011/01/winner-congrats.html believe me you want to go look xoxo

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