Memorial Day...and Happy Birthday Bennett!

I feel beyond fortunate to be living and raising my family in our free country...the beautiful USA. And my heart is filled with gratitude to the men and women who have served, and are currently serving, our our country selflessly (along with their families who sacrifice so much to support them). So many lives have been lost to ensure our freedoms...and it's because of them that we're able to enjoy a beautiful, relaxing Memorial Day every year.

God bless America and those who fight for our freedoms...

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Today is our sweet nephew Bennett's birthday :) He would have been 2 years old... So yesterday the Kjar fam joined the Wilkinsons to celebrate their sweet little sunshine boy!!

We all came wearing some yellow, enjoyed a beautiful brunch, then headed to the cemetery with yellow flowers and balloons. Bennett's headstone is such a beautiful tribute to his sweet little life. We wrote on balloons, released them into the sky, and did a "circle of love" where we each shared one thing we love about Bennett. He was a small boy with a huge heart that touched everyone that knew him!!

Happy Birthday Bennett! We love & miss you!

And before leaving Bennett's grave to go visit Grandpa Kjar's on the other side of the cemetery, sweet Ashton sang "Bennett's song"...the Wilkinsons' have a little song for each of their children.

Bennett's was to the tune of "The Farmer and the Dell":

"We love our Bennett boy!

He is our pride and joy!

We love our Bennett boy,

we love our Bennett boooooooy!" :)

Sunshine Promises

Back in January I shared our experience of losing our sweet, ever-smiling nephew Bennett (he passed away unexpectedly in his sleep at just 20 months old). I've talked with Mandy, his tender, yet ever-strong mother, about her feelings and experiences since...and I have been so uplifted by her! I, along with so many others, have had a broken heart with Bennett gone...and while Mandy and Dave still have huge holes in their hearts, they have been amazing examples to us of depending on the Lord when the storms of life hit us where it hurts the most. They not only have hope, they know God has a plan for them & their family, and they will be with their son again.

Mandy (who just so happens to be a woman who is fantastic with words) has decided to create a blog called Sunshine Promises...here's the description under her adorable header/title:

"I am a Sweetheart to One and a Mommy to Four Loveable Babes, one of which is smiling down on us from Heaven. I am learning to dance in the rain. Come with me on my journey as I make the most out of Life's mud puddles.

Put on your rain boots. Great adventure lies ahead."

If you want to feel uplifted, receive comfort, and enjoy some beautiful writing, go pay a visit to her blog. And while she is a Super Woman in my eyes, she can use all the love, encouragement, and prayers she can get...if you feel moved to, please leave her some comment love and keep her and their family in your hearts.

"A Day of Contrasts"...but mostly Very Sweet

Today was our sweet nephew Bennett's funeral.

While is was a day filled with tears shed for a little boy that died so young and for his family that misses him more than anything...it was also a day celebrating the beautiful, happy life that he lived.

This picture of Bennett, below, was drawn by a family friend of the Kjars (please excuse the reflection of the lights in the room)...isn't it absolutely beautiful?? My heart fills with the Spirit when I look at it because I know that Bennett was called home by his loving Father in Heaven and his brother, Jesus Christ. You'll see this picture again at the end of this post because I want to remember (and to remind anyone reading this) that while Bennett's passing is a tragedy as he is dearly missed by his family and loved ones, it is also a beautiful thing because he is Home.

The program were read by throngs of loved ones last night at the viewing and today at the funeral...it was filled with loving words and sweet pictures of Bennett.

{cover}

I loved that on the cover was written:

"There's one more angel in heaven!"

{inside}

{back}

Bennett's two lovely, older sisters (Emma & Gracelyn), cousin (Kalia), and two friends (Lauren & Brianne) started the program with a tender song called "I Know He Lives"...it was sung by cherubic voices :) Emma & Gracelyn then read adorable, heart-felt "love letters" they had written to their baby brother. So sweet!

The beautiful hymn "Be Still My Soul" was played softly, yet passionately on the harp by Sharla (Adam's sister and Bennett's aunt). A perfect song for today.

Then it was Mandy and Dave's time to speak. They walked up to the pulpit hand-in-hand...and they stayed together as they spoke. They do everything as a team...they raised their sweet son Bennett together...and their joint message touched every heart in the room.

They said that a favorite family tradition of theirs is story time...Bennett loved story time! So they told us a story... I know I will not be able to give it justice, but I'll share a few of the parts that touched me deeply. They talked about how they were married on September 11th, 2001. It was a day of contrasts for them. Such beauty, happiness, love, and hope for their future together...yet despair for the all of the lives lost that day. And today was oh-so similar.

Many times during their remarks, my heart stung with pain in seeing their sorrow...yet most of their talk was filled with the numerous reasons they loved their little boy and what he did to bring such joy into their family's lives. They shared with us some tender, sweet memories they have of their little boy. Mandy and Dave smiled as they told us how he loooooovvved helping his Mommy sweep the kitchen floor (he would drag a broom around all the time) and be a big-boy by assisting his Daddy with the dishes. After they put him to bed, he'd say "Nigh-nigh...nigh-nigh..." and melt his beautiful Mama's heart. He was just starting to sing a few of the words to his very own "Bennett Song" that Mandy and Dave would sing to him (each of their children have "their own song"). And Bennett also recently started folding his arms for family prayer, how precious.

Overall, Bennett was a PURE JOY.

They both bore tender, heart-felt testimonies that they know Christ's Atonement is not only for sin, but for every kind of suffering. Our Savior has been there, and He will be there with the Wilkinson family as they go through some dark times ahead. They know that Christ rose from the dead...He lives, so that we may all live again. Mandy and Dave's faith is awe-inspiring!! They know that the covenants they made to each other and the Lord on September 11th are what gives them hope in this time of anguish and loss, and what will keep their family together, forever. They will see their son again. But for now, He is home with a loving Heavenly Father.

After the lovely, intimate service we proceeded to the cemetery.

{Adam was a pallbearer, along with Luke & Ben (Adam's brothers & Bennett's uncles) and Mark Stoddart (Bennett's uncle)...missing Danner (Adam's brother & Bennett's uncle) there, he is serving a mission in California and was dearly missed today}

Dave gave a beautiful, spirit-filled dedicatory prayer over his beloved son's grave.

And then we were all reminded of Bennett's love for balloons! :) So we were all able to write a note to little Bennett on a balloon and, in his honor, release them into the sky all together.

{adorable cousin Kalia}

{Grandma Kjar holding her balloon...loved her message: "Reach the *STAR*s..."}

{so much love on so many balloons...}

{our message to our nephew we adore so much}

As they rose into the sunny sky, everyone was in awe as we saw about seven bald eagles soaring above us. What a sight. Absolutely stunning.

{I loved the little "Kjar" bears around his sweet, tiny casket}

Back at the church, the Wilkinson's ward did a great service of making a delicious lunch for the [large] family of Bennett.

SO MANY PEOPLE LOVE THAT LITTLE BOY.

{There were multiple TV's around the church that had a slideshow of adorable pictures of little Bennett...loved it}

{I personally know Bennett had a little sweet tooth :) These cupcakes made me smile imagining him with frosting on his cute face}

While much heartache was felt today, it was also filled with joy as we celebrated the life of sweet Bennett and his homecoming to his loving Father in Heaven.

My 23rd + an Angel with a Camera

As I get older and wiser (haha) I realize that birthdays are much less about the PRESENTS and much more about the PRESENCE of those I love who are celebrating with me (be it in person or by phone)! [I've heard a similar quote said about Christmas, but I think it applies here too].

And on my 23rd birthday, I've never felt more grateful to be able to spend my special day with the two men I love most...my awesome husband, best friend, & eternal companion ADAM (he proposed to me on my birthday:) AND my energetic yet tender, ever-smiling, sweet son BROOKS...doesn't get much better than that!

{birthday breakfast with candles and all!! I made about 10 wishes...}

Well, last night (on my birthday EVE) Adam came home with an early bday present for me :) I have this very bad habit of leaving my photos on my computer/CDs & not printing them...but Adam got some of the family photos we had taken this past fall printed!!!!! He bought frames for them and everything!!

Isn't he the sweetest? :)

{They'll be going up on the wall today! yay!}

I want to share some of our family photos with you for a few reasons:

#1 - They remind me of what's most important in life...my family

#2 - I smile from ear-to-ear when I look at them because the boys in them make me the luckiest [birthday] girl in the world

#3 - They were taken by an ANGEL with a camera :)

Heidi Elliott Porter of Monkeyface Photography took these photos...she's a friend of Adam's from high school and so she knows the Kjars...and when she heard of the Wilkinson's tragic loss of their little boy she wrote me this on facebook:

Sending love your way and theirs! I can only imagine! Please let us know if we could help in any way. Even if they just want some pictures of the funeral or some other way I could attempt creativity. So grateful for the gospel!

She's going to give of her AMAZING talent (for free) and capture precious, tender moments at the funeral that the Wilkinsons will hold dear. She is giving them such a gift.

See, I told you she's an angel :)

You can check our Heidi's fabulous photography website here.

"No goodbyes, just see-you-laters...xoxoxoxo"

Our sweet nephew Bennett left this world a better place.

He was the type of little boy, that emanated the light of Christ and brought joy into so many people's lives. His family thoughtfully wrote a tender obituary full of love that I want to share.

Bennett Scott Wilkinson

2009-2011

On Saturday, January 22, 2011, a Loving Father in Heaven tenderly took Home one of His own. Bennett Scott Wilkinson, born May 31, 2009, brought more Joy, Light and Love to the world in a mere 20 months than many experience in a lifetime. It was a privilege to call him our son. He spread love and laughter wherever he went whether it was smothering his mommy with kisses, falling asleep on his daddy’s chest for a nap, calling out to his sisters, Emma and Gracelyn, for morning bath time or playing “cahs” with his best friend and brother, Ashton. He was eager to smile, anxious to love, quick to laugh and ready to forgive. We will smile whenever we remember his obsession with all-things handles and the way his little body shuffled around the kitchen trying to sweep the floor for Mommy. He was a Gift. Simply a Gift.

We will forever cherish the scribbles left on our walls, the handprints placed on our windows and the etching he engraved on our hearts. He was here but a moment but will be ours forever. And with Bennett, forever won’t be long enough.

Anxious to see him again are his adoring parents David and Amanda Wilkinson (Centerville), his loving siblings Emma, Gracelyn and Ashton, his precious grandparents Scott and Stana Kjar (Centerville), David and Kris Wilkinson (Portland, OR) and Burton and Linda Grover (Pasco, WA) and his tender great grandparents Stan and MaryEllen Smoot (Bountiful) and Noma Kjar (Centerville) followed by a host of doting aunts and uncles that loved and adored him. He was preceded in death by an uncle Rendell Wilkinson and a multitude of caring family members that we trust will watch over our little boy until we are with him again.

Funeral Services will be held Thursday, January 27th at noon at the Centerville North Stake Center (1450 N. Main). There will also be a viewing Wednesday evening from 6-8 p.m. and before the funeral from 10-11:30. Interment Centerville City Cemetery. Online guestbook at www.russonmortuary.com.

We’ll Love you forever,

We’ll like you for always

Forever and Always

Our baby you’ll be.

No goodbyes, just see-you-laters . . . xoxoxoxo

(You can find sweet Bennett's obituary here and read/leave comments on his online guest book here)

And for those of you who asked what happened, they are not sure. Bennett was not extremely ill, and there wasn't any sort of accident...no warning signs...it was so sudden. They lost their little boy over night. But as they said in his beautiful obituary,

"No goodbyes, just see-you-laters."

you're my life's one miracle

From the bottom of my heart, thank you all for you kind words...knowing that you have them in your thoughts and prayers means so much to us. Adam and I were able to visit the Wilkinsons last night...and I told Mandy and Dave of how beautifully overwhelmed I was at the immense love and support I've witnessed go toward their family from loved ones as well as people that don't know them. Tragedies are never wished for, but miracles stem from them. We are humbled and cling to each other for support. Together, through love and understanding hearts of those who share as they have gone through similar things, we pick each other back up. I only hope and pray I can follow any promptings in the future to help ease their burden and heal their sore hearts.

They miss him so much.

******************

I've been listening to Celine Dion's song "Miracle" on repeat the last couple days.

It has been a favorite of mine for a long time...but I treasure the lyrics even more now!

"MIRACLE"

You're my life's one miracle

Everything I've done that's good

And you break my heart with tenderness

And I confess it's true

I never knew a love like this 'til you

You're the reason I was born

Now I finally know for sure

And I'm overwhelmed with happiness

So blessed to hold you close

The one that I love most

Though the future has so much for you in store

Who could ever love you more

The nearest thing to heaven

You're my angel from above

Only God creates such perfect love

When you smile at me I cry

And to save you life I'd die

With a romance that is pure in heart

You are my dearest part

Whatever it requires

I live for your desires

Forget my own, your needs will come before

Who could ever love you more

There is nothing you could ever do

To make me stop loving you

And every breath I take

Is always for you sake

You sleep inside my dreams

And know you sure

Who could ever love you more

And this video is just precious...Anne Geddes is a brilliant photographer...and of course Celine Dion is stunning.

a broken heart...mended with hope

Yesterday I woke up to hearing Adam speaking on the phone with his father. Papa Kjar was so sweet, and first asked how Brooks was doing after his breathing treatments Friday night for RSV :( [He tested positive for it...but is doing a lot better already]

Then he let us know the tragic, heart breaking news that Amanda (Adam's sister...we call her Mandy) had lost her little boy. Bennett Scott Wilkinson was just 20 months old, and he passed away some time in the middle of the night. As soon as Adam told me, tears started streaming down my face as I put myself in Mandy's spot...suddenly losing a young child, a little boy.

I ran into Brooks' room...he was still asleep, but I picked him up and held him in a tight embrace. My chest was heaving...my heart was breaking for the Wilkinsons. Adam came in and then held me, as I held Brooks. We cried together.

Adam then told me that Papa Kjar said that the family would be going to Mandy's home with in the next 1/2 hour to lend support and love. I told Adam, "Are you sure they'd want everyone over right now?" But he assured me it was what Mandy & the family said they wanted.

As we fed Brooks and bundled him up to go, I was praying to Heavenly Father...thanking him with all of my being that he woke up. He was so sick...but had already been doing better since the breathing treatment. Again, I thought of Mandy and the sorrow she was going through.

After arriving at their home, Adam's sweet Aunt Stacey and cousin Hailey stayed in the car with Brooks due to his sickness, so that Adam and I could go in together. Before walking into the house, one of the policemen there took our names..."procedure" he said. Upstairs, a bedroom door opened to a scene I will never forget. Mandy sitting in a chair, holding her little boy...David (her husband, and Bennett's father) standing behind her with one hand on her shoulder and the other on their sweet boy. She looked up with tears on her cheeks. I've never seen such sorrow. The Spirit in the room was so, so fragile, yet it was strong. I could feel such pain, and at the same time a hope in knowing this was not the end. Heavenly Father and Christ have a plan for that little boy. The men (Papa Kjar, Adam, Luke, and David) gave the family sweet, tender blessings. In each one, was a reassurance that families are forever and that Bennett is continuing his journey in Heaven.

Upon returning home, I couldn't stop praying in my heart...praying that the Wilkinson's home would be filled with love. That they would be comforted in knowing that the Gospel provides a way for them to see their little Bennett again. They are a strong family, but I can only imagine how hard the next while will be... And as a mother, I thought of Mandy's grief, and pain from the hole in her heart as she misses her little boy. I have and will forever pray that it will heal. Not too quickly, but surely...because she will be able to feel him wrap his arms around her and feel that mother-to-son embrace again some day.

Later while Brooks slept, I took a nap as well...and woke up with my eyes stinging from all of the tears. It was still so surreal. Their sweet little Bennett was gone. I got on my computer and started putting together a CD of pictures of Bennett to take to Mandy and her family. I couldn't stop smiling while looking at the photos. I do not exaggerate in the slightest when I say that Bennett was a little boy with a heart of gold. Being just 10 months older than Brooks, he always, and I mean always, was so soft and tender with him. Bennett had a smile that would brighten the day of every.single.person who was blessed to know him. He gave the sweetest hugs, and I'd melt seeing him play with his older brother and best friend Ashton (who just turned 3 years old). Adam and I were lucky enough to have them stay with us for a few days in November while their parents and 2 sisters went to Disneyland. Bennett was an angel boy, and I'll be forever grateful for the sweet times we had with him.

Here are some of the photos I put on the CD for their family...these are from when they stayed at our house :)

{This last one is actually from September at the Kjar's cabin...Bennett was snuggling Brooks...always such a sweetheart!}

Upon taking the CD of photos to the Wilkinsons (along with some Tim-Tams and hot chocolate for a sweet treat for the kiddos)...I was able to talk with Mandy. She expressed some tender feelings she had experienced...she said she was going through a type of anguish she never imagined, yet she felt peace. There was no bitterness. She said she is expecting those hard feelings later...but for now, it is a pure heartache. I cried with her. She said, and Dave and Emma (their oldest daughter, 8 years old) agreed, that they were going to keep their little Bennett alive in their home...make a memory book, talk about him often, and cherish every sweet memory of their son and brother. She said that 20 months was so short, TOO short for any little boy or girl. Yet if she had to choose to have the 20 months all over again, knowing that she'd experience the sorrow of losing him, or not have him at all...without a doubt, she'd have him for that short time and she thanks God for every single day that Bennett was with their family. They know he's now their strongest guardian angel.

I know I recently asked for prayers on Brooks' behalf...but now, please please have the Wilkinson family in your prayers. I don't truly know what they are going through...but I do know that they need as many prayers as they can get. God will hear each one. And He will bless their family.

Their hearts are broken...

...but will be mended with the hope and knowledge of seeing their Bennett again.

To anyone reading this, hug your loved ones extra tight today...give an extra kiss...and say "I love you" with even more passion. Every day with those we love is a gift.