a broken heart...mended with hope

Yesterday I woke up to hearing Adam speaking on the phone with his father. Papa Kjar was so sweet, and first asked how Brooks was doing after his breathing treatments Friday night for RSV :( [He tested positive for it...but is doing a lot better already]

Then he let us know the tragic, heart breaking news that Amanda (Adam's sister...we call her Mandy) had lost her little boy. Bennett Scott Wilkinson was just 20 months old, and he passed away some time in the middle of the night. As soon as Adam told me, tears started streaming down my face as I put myself in Mandy's spot...suddenly losing a young child, a little boy.

I ran into Brooks' room...he was still asleep, but I picked him up and held him in a tight embrace. My chest was heaving...my heart was breaking for the Wilkinsons. Adam came in and then held me, as I held Brooks. We cried together.

Adam then told me that Papa Kjar said that the family would be going to Mandy's home with in the next 1/2 hour to lend support and love. I told Adam, "Are you sure they'd want everyone over right now?" But he assured me it was what Mandy & the family said they wanted.

As we fed Brooks and bundled him up to go, I was praying to Heavenly Father...thanking him with all of my being that he woke up. He was so sick...but had already been doing better since the breathing treatment. Again, I thought of Mandy and the sorrow she was going through.

After arriving at their home, Adam's sweet Aunt Stacey and cousin Hailey stayed in the car with Brooks due to his sickness, so that Adam and I could go in together. Before walking into the house, one of the policemen there took our names..."procedure" he said. Upstairs, a bedroom door opened to a scene I will never forget. Mandy sitting in a chair, holding her little boy...David (her husband, and Bennett's father) standing behind her with one hand on her shoulder and the other on their sweet boy. She looked up with tears on her cheeks. I've never seen such sorrow. The Spirit in the room was so, so fragile, yet it was strong. I could feel such pain, and at the same time a hope in knowing this was not the end. Heavenly Father and Christ have a plan for that little boy. The men (Papa Kjar, Adam, Luke, and David) gave the family sweet, tender blessings. In each one, was a reassurance that families are forever and that Bennett is continuing his journey in Heaven.

Upon returning home, I couldn't stop praying in my heart...praying that the Wilkinson's home would be filled with love. That they would be comforted in knowing that the Gospel provides a way for them to see their little Bennett again. They are a strong family, but I can only imagine how hard the next while will be... And as a mother, I thought of Mandy's grief, and pain from the hole in her heart as she misses her little boy. I have and will forever pray that it will heal. Not too quickly, but surely...because she will be able to feel him wrap his arms around her and feel that mother-to-son embrace again some day.

Later while Brooks slept, I took a nap as well...and woke up with my eyes stinging from all of the tears. It was still so surreal. Their sweet little Bennett was gone. I got on my computer and started putting together a CD of pictures of Bennett to take to Mandy and her family. I couldn't stop smiling while looking at the photos. I do not exaggerate in the slightest when I say that Bennett was a little boy with a heart of gold. Being just 10 months older than Brooks, he always, and I mean always, was so soft and tender with him. Bennett had a smile that would brighten the day of every.single.person who was blessed to know him. He gave the sweetest hugs, and I'd melt seeing him play with his older brother and best friend Ashton (who just turned 3 years old). Adam and I were lucky enough to have them stay with us for a few days in November while their parents and 2 sisters went to Disneyland. Bennett was an angel boy, and I'll be forever grateful for the sweet times we had with him.

Here are some of the photos I put on the CD for their family...these are from when they stayed at our house :)

{This last one is actually from September at the Kjar's cabin...Bennett was snuggling Brooks...always such a sweetheart!}

Upon taking the CD of photos to the Wilkinsons (along with some Tim-Tams and hot chocolate for a sweet treat for the kiddos)...I was able to talk with Mandy. She expressed some tender feelings she had experienced...she said she was going through a type of anguish she never imagined, yet she felt peace. There was no bitterness. She said she is expecting those hard feelings later...but for now, it is a pure heartache. I cried with her. She said, and Dave and Emma (their oldest daughter, 8 years old) agreed, that they were going to keep their little Bennett alive in their home...make a memory book, talk about him often, and cherish every sweet memory of their son and brother. She said that 20 months was so short, TOO short for any little boy or girl. Yet if she had to choose to have the 20 months all over again, knowing that she'd experience the sorrow of losing him, or not have him at all...without a doubt, she'd have him for that short time and she thanks God for every single day that Bennett was with their family. They know he's now their strongest guardian angel.

I know I recently asked for prayers on Brooks' behalf...but now, please please have the Wilkinson family in your prayers. I don't truly know what they are going through...but I do know that they need as many prayers as they can get. God will hear each one. And He will bless their family.

Their hearts are broken...

...but will be mended with the hope and knowledge of seeing their Bennett again.

To anyone reading this, hug your loved ones extra tight today...give an extra kiss...and say "I love you" with even more passion. Every day with those we love is a gift.